some days

Today is just one of those days that you think "Where did my sweet baby go?" It's a struggle to see her in pain and not know what it is that's hurting and what we can do to help. To offer her 10 different food options and by the time you're done you're both in tears and nothing has been consumed. To wish that she could just be like "other babies" and sleep off her sickness instead of waking up every hour and the only way she'll stay asleep is to nurse. To watch her go through breathing treatments after praying so hard that she would never have to struggle with asthma the way that you did. 

I'm not looking for sympathy, just people who understand. People who might feel like they're not alone because they're facing or have faced the same things.

These days are hard but they also hold glimmers of hope. Little glimpses of the baby you know and love so well. The reminder of how blessed you are and how hard you prayed for what you have now. 

Despite its difficulty, it's worth the tears, the uncertainty, the frustration, the momentary feelings of insanity, and sides of yourself that you never wanted to see and vowed you would never be. It's all so. very. worth. it. 

My New Reality

It's been way too long since my last post. Rather than uninspired, I have been super busy and haven't made time for this creative outlet. I have been missing it, seeing other bloggers write and remembering that feeling of accomplishment that I got when I wrote regularly on my blog.

I've decided recently that I'm gonna make time for things that matter. Things that inspire me, and add value to my life and to my family. I believe that my job as a wife and mother is to serve them by creating a healthy and loving atmosphere in our home and I'm determined to do that.

One of my favorite times of day is morning. I sit with a cup of coffee and watch my daughter play after working out and getting us both fed. She grabs part of my pant leg and says in her sweet little inquiring voice, "Go?" and I follow her into her room. Watch her as she plucks her toys our of the shelf one by one. She fits all the shape into her shape sorter and I clap and cheer her on, just watching, amazed at what a smart little girl she is growing up to be. She grabs one of many books and hands it to me with sweetness in her eyes she says "Yeah?" and as quickly as I say yes, she starts to lifts herself up onto my lap.

Sweet little moments every day that I love having with her. Moments that are precious to us stay at home mamas. These moments don't come without the frustrations of motherhood, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Being a mama is by far one of the most challenging jobs I have ever done, but my favorite by a long shot! I'm so excited to get you all up to date a bit on my new reality, but for now I just want to say that I'm coming back to the blogging world. It may only be once a week, hopefully a little more, but I know that I need this creative outlet and I want to continue to share my experiences with people and just have little reminders for myself of what life was like as an early mom. A lot of the times I feel like I'm living in the thick of the best days of my life. There have been so many good times before and there will be so many good times ahead, but I am so thankful for what life is like right now.

Thailand with a Baby

It’s wonderful to be back in Thailand! Maybe traveling with a baby is easier than I thought, or maybe my baby is just amazing! Either way, it’s been such a good trip so far. There were a few bumps along the way, with overnight flights I thought it was going to be disastrous. But it worked out quite well with her personality. She was awake and excited during layovers, then conked out during the flights. 

Some of you may be wondering why we are in Thailand and why I haven’t written for ages… Both are kind of long stories, but I will try to give you the short versions. 

First of all, I haven’t written in a while for a few reasons. One is that I have been so tired and felt really uninspired lately. I guess that connects to why we are in Thailand as well. We just needed some rest. Some answers. Some solitude. Some family time. A lot of somethings… 

I also haven’t written because I felt a little bit ashamed of the fact that my baby was sleeping so bad and things weren’t going so great in the baby world. I just felt like I had nothing to share with other moms. Until I realized that actually I have loads to share. If I could just get to writing and be honest, I am sure a lot of moms out there could relate with what I am going through. 

As perfect of a sleeper that Ruth was her first five months, she has become that much worse the last five months. Teething set her into some bad habits, and we still haven’t broken those habits. But It’s okay! I’m never going to have it ALL together as a mom. I think that the best I can do is accept that and embrace my child for who she is with joy. Embrace these days with joy, cause they will pass so quickly. Embrace life with joy, despite it’s difficulties. Because in all honesty, it's NOT.THAT.DIFFICULT. She wakes up every day excited to face the world. She looks around with awe at everything that she is experiencing. She is such a reminder that life REALLY IS GOOD! 

Embracing life with joy is a little easier to do when you are in Thailand at a beautiful place set up for families just like your, needing to get away from expat life. Just needing a holiday and a little breathing room and some time with your creator. 

It has been SO.VERY.NICE. I can’t emphasize it enough! Even Ruth is more relaxed and just enjoying the extra space and all the sights, and the kids running around during meal times. SO.MANY.KIDS. It’s funny! We are one of the only couples with one child, obviously we are just in the beginning of expanding our family. But most people staying here have at least three kids, majority have four and some have five or more. 

I don’t know exactly what the point of this blog entry is. Maybe just to put me back on the grid. To remind myself that I love writing. That it’s a really great way of processing my feelings. To be able to look back at this precious time later and thank God for what a gift it has been. And this is only the beginning. We will be here for about a month. I know. It’s a long time. But it was a recommended break for us and although we were reluctant to just go ahead and take it at first. We are SO THANKFUL that we did! God has always provided what we needed in terms of finances, so even though the tickets to come here weren’t cheap, we know he will continue to provide. The lodging however, which includes everything else basically, is super cheap and super nice! It's the same chain as the place we stayed in last time, but a different location. We are so blessed to have such a nice place to stay! 

Fitness Update

I know this isn't a fitness blog, but I've really been trying hard to stay on track this week and I've been pretty successful! And since I started a fitness Instagram account (follow me @katinas.fitness.journey) I decided it might be fun to incorporate my journey into the blog a little bit more. Plus there are no rules saying that I can't blog about fitness! I have had success a few times with losing substantial amounts of weight and staying fit for a good period of time afterwards, so I thought I would share some of my ideas. Maybe I'll share more about those experiences later. One of them I blogged about here.

So this week I've counted calories every day and at least gone on a short walk every day and some days did a lot of walking. I have not been successful with fitting Sean T in every day, however I am not giving up. I will figure out a way to fit it in or find another way of doing strength training. 

I feel like I could have made better food choices, but as I said before, counting calories is a science and it usually works for me. This week I lost three pounds despite the fact that I ate quite a few fattening foods. I was focused on making sure to just limit the amount of food that I ate and that partnered with light exercise already seems to be working! That doesn't mean I'll continue to make bad choices, I'm just getting started, and often as I start to see results I become motivated to do better. 

Maybe some of it was water weight, but hopefully at least one pound of it was fat that I needed to lose and that is what one pound looks like. Yuck! I need to lose more of those! 

So here I go into another week! Wish me luck over the weekend! I'll leave you with this thought.

Getting in shape postpartum

So I know that I said I was satisfied with my postpartum body way back when, but I'm starting to feel differently about it ;) Maybe it has to do with summer, maybe it's just time for me to get up and move. Whatever it is, I have made a decision that I want to get in shape.

It's good to make fitness goals public for two main reasons.

* It keeps you accountable

* It inspires others 

So I guess that is what I have decided to do. Right now my fitness goal is to lose 10 pounds by the time Ruth is 40 weeks old. That means I have 9 weeks to do it. That is a lot of time if you decide to go hard with fitness, but I am not sure how much this new mama body can handle. From what I have seen other mommies doing, I think the answer is a lot, but I'm gonna start slow and that should be plenty of time to lose 10 lbs.

Before Ruth started teething I did a week of Sean T's 15 minute workout with Dr. Oz, I found it on youtube. It kicked my booty and I was so sore! It worked well because Ruth just watched me workout and then I sat her by the door of the bathroom while I showered off. By the way, I am giving you the play by play just in case there are any other moms looking for ideas out there. 

This all ended abruptly when she started teething and became a lot fussier. Everything seemed right with the world. I was eating and snacking healthier. I had my baby figured out. Until those mean little suckers started poking through. My world was turned upside down once again. 

7 Months Post Partum

So what's the plan now? My goal is to do Sean T's 15 minute workout 5 days a week again, since Ruthie has a little play station that usually keeps her pretty happy, I will put her in that while I work out and shower. The goal is 5 days a week, but it may turn into only 3 days a week. The next goal is to take a walk with her once a day, I would like it to be an hour long walk, but it may be shorter depending on what the day holds. She usually loves walking, so I am hoping to at least get this goal met even if Sean T doesn't happen ;)

Lastly, but usually the most difficult part for me, food! The dreaded calorie count! It has to happen! I have never lost weight any other way. It's a science and it always works. Myfitnesspal calorie counter and diet tracker makes it a lot easier these days! I should add that it gets tricky when you are breast feeding, so I am adding about 500 calories on top of what I would usually do to lose weight. I guess I can adjust that if it seems like it's not enough or if it seems like too much. More than losing weight I want to have a good milk supply, so if I feel that the amount of calories that I am challenging myself with seems too small for my breastfeeding body, I will most definitely eat more!

I'm happy to say that I already started today and things are off to a good start! Ruth loves sitting like a big girl in her stroller facing out and she falls asleep like a champ in it. When did she get so big?